On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your own kinkiness? Would you be shy to even admit that you’re kinky, or would you wave your arms and flail around until everyone knew you were the #1 Kinkmaster of all time?
The truth about being kinky doesn’t always come with pride; in fact, sometimes the kinky things that get us off are super private secrets — sometimes those thoughts are even embarrassing to us, no matter what our horoscope says otherwise. When we either think about those things or act out on them, that’s when we go from fantasist to full on kinkster.
There’s a big difference between wanting to wear leather and wanting to wear leather while screaming “Mommy loves me!” at the height of orgasm. See what I mean? It’s all degrees of kink.
Being kinky doesn’t automatically make one crazy because we’re all a little crazy to start with. Kink simply provides an alternate avenue for us to explore our personal sexual paths, and for those of an adventurous nature, kink may be the way we find out who we are ultimately, and what we’re made of.
While the missionary position and a round of “Yeah, I’m satisfied” might be rightfully enough for some, knowing that this is all happening in a large pool filled with green jello and rubber koi fish while both parties are wearing Japanese school girl outfits may be just what it takes to rank on the kink-o-meter.
Fun fact: During sex, most married couples like to imagine themselves borne along on a river of seething black eels, while dressed head to toe in slime-covered lemon-scented purple vinyl. At the moment of climax, one shouts out, “I mean no harm to you or your planet,” while the other likes to sing Russian pop songs in click-tongue. But that’s “The Pantheon of Kink” and rarely, if ever, do married couples make it this far.
So, who amongst the zodiac signs is the actual kinkiest of them all? Here are the kinkiest zodiac signs and what you can expect when you jump into bed with them.
1. AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)