Chances are, if you’re looking for signs your partner is cheating on you, then you probably already think they are. Most people in happy, trusting, committed relationships don’t assume their SO is cheating. It usually takes some kind of act to put you in that mindset, and then you start panicking and assuming the worst.
Well, I hate to be that person, but if you deep in your heart feel like they’re cheating, then it’s probably happening. Woman’s intuition is an incredibly real and powerful thing, with studies showing that women are more intuitive than men. If your gut says something’s up then you should listen. But, as humans, people try to condition ourselves to believe what others are (in this case, their partner) telling them. After all, you want to make it work with your partner, right? You don’t want to be insecure and terrified every time they leave the house. You try to trust them and ignore the feelings, but they only seem to get stronger.
So listen to me and trust your gut. I know it hurts. As someone who’s been cheated on, there’s only one feeling worse than thinking your partner has gone astray, and that’s having it confirmed with these 15 signs. Obviously, these aren’t concrete or guaranteed, but I fully believe that if you already have doubts and these things are happening, you might need to sit down with your SO immediately.
1. They Have A New Hobby Out Of Nowhere
of explanation. They pick up golfing because their brother plays or they start reading Harry Potter because you finally convinced them it was incredible. But I would be wary if all of a sudden your partner decides they enjoy hiking for hours on Saturday and they don’t invite you along.
2. They Won’t Let You Near Their Phone
You ask them if you can call the babysitter because your phone is dead, and they act like you just asked them to share toothbrushes. Major red flag. I’m not saying your partner has to be OK with you looking through their phone, but if they’re not willing to let you use it to make a call or even check the time, they’re hiding something in there.
3. Their Whole Routine Changes With No Explanation
Now your partner takes a shower as soon as they walk in the door from work, or they start leaving an hour earlier than usual in the mornings. Of course people are allowed to change up their day, but when there’s no explanation, it sounds fishy.
4. They Ghost You
There are hours during the day where your partner is totally unavailable. They always claim their phone is dead during those times, they didn’t check Facebook, or they were just “busy.” I don’t buy it. You don’t have to be in constant contact with your SO, but I call BS on someone not being able to return a simple text message or phone call for hours and hours at a time, especially if it happens often.
5. Their Friends Ignore You
This one only counts if their friends were fairly open with you before, but now they refuse to look you in the eye or speak with you. It’s even more of a problem if your partner claims to be with their friends, but none of them are willing to answer your calls or texts when you can’t get in touch with your SO.
6. They Have A Brand New Friend You Know Nothing About
If I meet a new friend and start spending a lot of time with them, I’m probably going to mention it to my boyfriend. Even something simple like, “I met a friend at work today and we’re going out for drinks.” But your SO claims to be hanging out with a friend you’ve never met, and they refuse to give you any details. Who is this mystery friend? Why wouldn’t your partner want you to know about them?
7. They Find Fault With Everything You Do
Things are getting sketchy when your SO is constantly irritated with you, claims you can’t do anything right, and seems to pick arguments out of thin air. It could be their cheating guilt manifesting itself as anger, but I think it’s more about justifying to themselves why cheating is OK. If they convince themselves, and you, that the two of you don’t work together and they aren’t happy with you, they can try to justify their affair.
8. They Skip Out On Family Time To See Friends
So huge for partners who have children together, and seriously heartbreaking. You plan something fun to do with your kids, but your partner decides they’d rather go golfing with friends or out to lunch with their BFF. They have no reason to miss out on family time, but they know you’ll be busy and occupied with the kids and won’t be checking up on them every five minutes. Shady.
9. They Spend A Lot More Time On Their Appearance
Like, a lot. They’ve gone from wearing a baseball hat every day to spending hours on their hair before going out with their friends. They start buying more clothes than usual, and of course, they are outfits you never see them wear.
10. They Accuse You Of Being Clingy
You haven’t changed your behavior, but now your partner claims you’re clingy and need to give them space. Why? Because you called them when they were late for dinner? Or because you asked them to start spending more time with you? Of course you come off as clingy when they’re interested in someone else and more aware of your advances.
11. They Stay Over Night At A Friend’s House Frequently
I don’t mean just once because they were too drunk to make it home. I mean it seems like every other weekend, your SO is going to a friend’s house to hang out and ends up staying the night there. I mean, I love my BFF, but grown people don’t have that many slumber parties.
12. They Rarely Spend Time With You
You’re in the living room, but they’re in the bedroom. You’re cooking in the kitchen, and they’re down in the basement. When’s the last time the two of you spent actual quality time together? If you can’t remember, or if you realize your time spent together is in silence with the two of you doing your own thing, I’d listen even more to your gut.
13. They Don’t Give You Details About Anything
Some people are pretty reserved talkers, sure, but everyone has something to share eventually. If your SO can’t tell you how their day was, what happened while they were out, or even where they’re going, then there’s a larger problem. You don’t have to drill them with questions, but if you’re asking what their plans are for their weekend away and all they can tell you is, “I don’t know. Just having fun,” I’d be concerned.
14. They Skip Going Out With You And Your Friends
A giant group of your friends and their partners are going out for the night, but your SO would prefer to stay home. Although some people are introverts, I think it’s weird if your partner never had a problem going out before and now wants to sit home alone while you go out for the night. Who knows what they’re doing or where they’re really planning on going.
15. They Are Incredibly Defensive If You Voice Your Concerns
Hand on heart, I know that if I asked my boyfriend if something was going on with us or if he was cheating, he would be extremely upset and would do everything he could to reassure me he wasn’t. That’s what non-cheaters do — they try to fix your feelings and they are concerned over what they’ve done to make you feel that way. Cheaters, however, become incredibly defensive. They might even turn it around on you and accuse you of being the one who’s unfaithful. They call your fears stupid and tell you you’re just acting crazy and to get over it. In short? They’re trying to knock your confidence and make you feel guilty for your fears instead of helping you become secure in the relationship again. Seriously sketchy and seriously cheating.